Writing

I see my art pieces as toys. I take delight in them. Through them, I begin to understand and conjure stories.

Making helps me find. I’m trying to retrieve an unknown something from my past. I cannot see clearly, like a poor reflection. I see in snapshots and fragments, like looking out of a window with curtains flapping.

 I saw: Lost time and those mountains on that show Everwood. Ephrams and Elizabeths, my first love. Galaxies and stones from library books. Manhood and those 3 more inches I was supposed to grow. Mothers I lost to contracts and airplanes. That memory of flying a kite with dad that never happened. (We didn’t go fishing either.) Fresh starts and awakenings. The smell of the One I love. To know and to be fully known. To be fully loved.

These things continue to swirl like a nebula in the deep waters of my mind. 

But I do know I love the open land and the high mountains. Until recently, all the majesty I knew was those in Singaporean high-rises.

Like a child, I look for origins. Where did that rock come from? Yes, I did pick it up at the parking lot. But from where was it mined? How did it end up here? No one knows. They are annoying because they refuse to recount. But I record because I’m afraid of forgetting.

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The sky meeting the sea and the majesty of mountains were not quite known to me, nor the open skies that we fall into standing. Flesh, cinder blocks and stone though, those I knew. I am from a big city, but a tiny country. Still I saw, these other worlds in books and screens.

But I longed to know. I knew what I knew was veiled, some translation. A broken image. On hardened wings and money, I went into the mountains where Doctor Brown lived, just to look, see. Look, see. Maybe pretend abit.

I touched, picked up, gathered. I wandered and wondered:

Losses and gains.

Counting. Reading living waters.

Longings lie open

I see beauty sprouting in my hands. From where did this seed of beauty come? Who first planted the tree that bore this seed?

Thirsty.

Longing to know

Looking, seeing